Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Oh Lordy Do I Hate Alaska!

What a joke of a state Alaska is! Let me count the ways!

1. Obviously, we have to start with Palin. Of course, in such a sparsely populated state, maybe she's the best they can do.

(addendum: I'd planned a separate post on this, but there's really nothing to say about it than just to report, from Newsweek: "The Obama campaign was provided with reports from the Secret Service showing a sharp and disturbing increase in threats to Obama in September and early October, at the same time that many crowds at Palin rallies became more frenzied." This is one of those times when I have to restrain myself from calling her the C word.)

2. Earmarks. These fuckers get a check from the state government every year for THOUSANDS of dollars, and yet they get more per capita in federal earmarks (i.e., money from you and me, who don't get fucking checks from their state governments) than any other state. Assholes! They got some fuckin' nerve taking all those federal bucks.

3. And finally, they re-elected a man just convicted of SEVEN FELONIES relating to corruption to the Senate. This isn't a guy gettin' a beej from a fat chick. It's taking money from rich people, and what do you suppose they got for their money? And these fuckin' jokers are sending him back to the Senate. Unbelievable

Fuck you, Alaska! Allen (or anyone else who might encounter an Alaskan), next time you see anyone from Alaska, give 'em a figurative kick in the nuts for me!

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now is a good time to boycott Alaska:

http://www.change.org/friendsofanimals/actions/view/boycott_alaska_until_the_state_stops_targeting_wolves

Save the Wolves.

Friends of Animals

Anonymous said...

Thank you some one else that share's my opinion. unfortunatly im stationed here, i hate every second of being in this fuckin place. Along with all of your points, who in the shit would want to live here anyways. -40 fuckin degree's, anyone that enjoys this state/wheather should go ahead and give themselves the old ice pick in the aorta test and see how they feel. Although if you are willing to live in this shit hole you deserve a pretty penny from the state, because if you didn't get paid you most likely wouldn't live here unless you just straight stupid.
Also to the sir and or ma'am that loves wolves so much, stop watching nat geo fuck wolves, fuck moose, fuck lynx and all the other animals i've seen up here you stupid PETA fag ass wanna be. If you wanna save a wolf go pet one, same with a moose or a fuckin lynx if your feeling brave, so fuck off tree hugger.
In conclusion alaska is a nice tourist trap in the summer. Living here is another thing. If you wanna be at your most miserable point in your entire life come to alaska in the winter so you can be the coldest you've ever been and enjoy the depression of 24 hours of darkness.

If you have a problem with my post let me know, and i'll let you know where to meet me. seriously i will, please call my bluff i dare ya.

Jamie Moser said...

I also hate Alaska. It's a miserable hell hole. I was born and raised there, and lived there all of my 33 years. I am happy to say I finally broke out out there last year and have never been happier. Alaska is a horrible, wretched place and I will never set foot there again.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for not making me feel alone! Why in the f5$k did I have to meet the man of my dreams here and he freaking loves this place. Ugh...all of it, summer is great, all of the 4 days of actual warmth in most of the entire huge shithole, everything is super expensive, the $1200 bucks they might give you each year doesn't come close to cutting the gas bill/heat bill, shipping of anything, food, I hate it, hate it, hate it!! Have really been trying for 3 years to not, but I give up, I've been in some shitty spots in life and come out OK, but this place is killing me, the people are weird at best, aaaaahhhhhh I hate it!!! Thanks for understanding.

Anonymous said...

lol I couldn't agree more with you all. I've lived here since I was 5 yrs old. Got to break out and live in TX for a little bit before being stationed back here in Alaska. I hate this place, and seriously think that those people who say they "love it here" are truly insane. Truly, they have a screw or two loose in their noggin' and deserve to live here in the outskirts of true civilization! I hate the snow, the cold, the odd and anarchist people. I hate the snow in spring. I hate having to worry about sliding into someone when I just want to make, what should be, a simple, safe drive to the store. This place is truly a wasteland, and if they didn't give out PFDs every year, I have no doubt in my mind that there would be a mass exodus on the AlCan highway, in no time! I thought I was all alone, and am so glad to see that there are others who hate this God-forsaken place as much as I do!!! Hopefully we'll all be able to break out of this frozen prison soon!!!

Anonymous said...

I hate Alaska and everything it stands for] and especially its people. There is nothing here bitches!!!!

Anonymous said...

wow wtf i live in alaska its not our fuckin fault for palin i didnt vote 4 her and that fucker i didnt vote 4 so fuck u. and about thhat check we need that its way more expencive to live in alaska than any where else so go fuck yourself!

Anonymous said...

Every single minute of every single day I spend here saps my soul of life and my brain of intellect. It's horrendous the amount of hate I have found myself able to summon for nothing more than a state. I have the cold, the moronic drivers, the inflated prices, the uneducated bafoons, the three days of pseudo summer, and the lack of good ANYTHING to eat or do. This place makes me want to see that damn volcano erupt again while I'm flying out so damn hard it leaves a fucking crater where Alaska used to be.

Anonymous said...

you all crack me up....it is such a fucking shithole here. i have been alllll over the world and believe you me, i would rather live here in a third world country than here.

alaskans are just......complete fucking idiots. they are absolutely horrible. boring, miserable, incredibly unexciting, they are all depressed. when i got off the plane for the first time here last year I was like WTF!?? where am i???? what a shitehole. everyone sporting mullets and flannel shirts....

seriously ...the average IQ of an alaskan is definitely below 100.

service is NON existent here. most people's attitudes in the service industry is "take it or leave it" / "awww fuck it." they just dont give a shit. what a shame.

everything is outrageously priced and i have yet to go to ONE restaurant where i said...wow...i GOTTA go back there...and I've been to all major towns/cities in Alaska.

it's a beautiful place sure, but the Alaskans kill it!!!

Anonymous said...

Learn to spell...

Anonymous said...

Oh please! You seem so angry. What are you really going to do when you meet someone who disagrees with you? Anger management class anyone? How about making the best of your situation ? Life is too short. If people spend their life savings to see Alaska, then aren't you lucky to live here for free on taxpayer's money. Don't join the military if you don't like where they send you. Do me a favor, save me some money on your whining attitude!!. And yes, I will meet you if you want.... I live in Alaska and I am a women... BBEEAATCH!

demigoddouche said...

HAHA I love the time and energy that you spent on hating on Alaska and Alaskan. I agree with you on Palin. That woman is an Idiot. But to encourage anyone to kick an Alaskan in the nuts, figuratively or not, will probably result in you getting your ass kicked. you want to know who I am go to www.demigoddouche.com.
I think the main reason why lower-forty eight people hate on us so much is becuase you guys are pussies. plain and simple. I have been all over the world, and to every state, while in the military. And have yet to meet a place that harbors more badass people than Alaska.

Anonymous said...

Firstly, Sarah Palin is a dipshit and you don't live in AK so how do you know what or who we have?

Secondly, our PFDs are not "thousands of dollars". They're like $800. Not even enough to do anything with. Yes we have a lot of money from oil and tourism (you guys are the dumb fucks who keep coming to visit us, not from out of state. The majority of our money is from state not national government so stfu. And you can try to do whatever to us -figuratively or literally, will not result in good things for you.

P.S. I totally agree with demigoddouche :)

Anonymous said...

I have been trapped here for seven long years. Once you get here, you can't afford to leave unless it is with just the clothes on your back. The ridiculously high cost of living in this overpriced Hell Hole makes it impossible to escape with any of the belongings you paid a mint to ship up here, or paid exorbitant prices to buy while living here. As soon as my kids graduate, I am OUT OF HERE. None of us will ever look back. The pathetic lack of culture, museums, and other opportunities makes me so sorry that I inflicted this loser place on my kids. I have robbed them of so many opportunities by moving them up here. The guilt I feel is terrible. Having lived in real cities with real amenities, advantages and opportunities, I only hope that they can recover from what I have done to them. Thank God they want something more out of life. I am saving ever penny to get out. Sure, I researched this place before moving, but I was also lied to by friends who lived here and told me how awesome it was. I got here and realized they were A) deeply depressed half the year, B) lying, C) losers who could not make it in a more urban, civilized and advanced society, and D) afraid, deeply afraid, of the real world. I feel sorry for people who have been born and raised here. Their lives are so tiny, so limited. Sure, they get their big trip to Arizona or Mexico or Hawaii once in a while, and golly gee, they might even get to visit a place like New York City and then come home to brag about how well-traveled they are. Ugh. Visiting anywhere outside of this Hillbilly Hell is not the same as actually living somewhere else, you morons. You are living on an island of stupidity where you can't drive to the rest of the country without a passport, and the entire rest of the country is two steps ahead of you at every moment. I work for an architecture firm, and they actually put on their resumes as a selling point that they are "born and raised in Alaska". No. Don't. That is NOT a selling point, especially if your target audience HAS actually lived someplace else. It just makes you sound like a small fish in a small pond, hiding in Alaska because you can't make it in the real world. And for God's sake stop bragging about having attended the University of Alaska, one of the worst higher-ed facilities in the country. Lower-48 community colleges are better than that travesty of "higher ed". Alaska = Alaskan rednecks and transplanted rednecks (all of whom seem to be from Texas - we actualy saw a Confederate flag on a house in Seward), Nordic Ski Nazis who hog every walking trail in Alaska during the winter and are frantically, obsessively and compulsively dedicated to forcing themselves to go outdoors at ten degrees below zero to show how much they LOVE Alaska, a sick, incestuously small community mentality where the good old boy network rules and little men of no consequence make big names for themselves in this little stagnant pond of nothingness, and overpriced EVERYTHING. You can't find simple things like basic office products on the bare shelves at the store, and the place is over-run with testosterone poisoned jackholes driving aggressively in their pickup trucks (and this applies to the women drivers too) all the time. At work you are forced to listen to hillbilly revelations about how some asshat co-worker went hunting over the weekend and shot six ptarmigans, and you wonder how he hefted his big fat Alaskan body onto his ATV to ride out and do his manly hunting routine. As Homer Simpson said, “Alaska, where you can’t be too fat or too drunk”. So true! Just visit downtown Anchorage to see proof of the first part of that sentence, and look ANYWHERE to see proof of the latter.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I am going to take this one step further. I have been stuck here for over a year because of my wife's job and never, in all of my travels (of which there have been many) have I seen such a trashy disconnected place. Here are some interesting facts for those considering a move:

-Alaska is the rape capital of the US.
-Even if you live in the "best" neighborhood you are more then likely just a few doors down from a registered pedophile.
-Nobody takes care of anything so, in the off-chance you want to buy a house, be prepared to spend about $70,000 making it fir for human life.
-The people are some of the lowest educated in the nation and they are proud of it.
-People continually ask you if you are an "outsider" meaning you were not born in Alaska. When you reply yes, you are shunned.

Ahh, all the rudeness of NY with the beauty of Detroit and the slovenliness of "Honey BooBoo."

Anonymous said...

Even more pathetic is that these poor sad alaskans have a slur for people who are from "outside": cheechako. I'm not sure what the magic number of years is that you have to suffer in this living hell called Alaska before you can be a non-"Cheechako" (I have been here a decade, waiting for my spouse's job contract to end so we can ESCAPE), but it is just another example of their ignorance that they call "outsiders" a derogatory nickname.

Additionally I want to make a comment about public transportation here. In other cities in the rest of this country, many business professionals ride public transportation to work. Here, public transportation is filled with drunks, felons, mentally disabled and/or just plain scary people, many reeking of cheap malt liquor, having loud conversations about trying to get out of paying child support, being in jail at the same time as their father, what a drag their parole officers are, etc. Sure, there are some university students and lower-income people just trying to get from point A to point B, or people unlucky enough to not have a car, but these people are outnumbered by people you hope will not sit next to you because they smell like an ashtray that was just on a three-day drinking binge and may also have lice or bed bugs on their clothing. Ugh. So you jackasses just go on calling "outsiders" names, because your city and state is OBVIOUSLY so far superior to "outside".

Oh and also, if you have lived here your entire life, never, ever refer to yourself as a "foodie". You are just making a fool of yourself. Your palette has been conditioned to think mediocre food served in mediocre restaurants in the "big city" of Anchorage is worth mentioning in a "foodie" context. Stop. Calling. Yourselves. Foodies. That is just not a relevant term if you are an Alaskan.

Anonymous said...

I am interested in starting a support group for people who hate living here, but are stuck here for at least the time being. If for no other reason than to talk to other people who are sane, civilized, rational, educated and have actually lived in some other place than this depressing hell, it could be of help. Like other support groups, we can give each other encouragement. For those of us stuck here due to jobs, spouse's jobs, kids in high school that you don't want to yank out of the school so close to graduation, lack of money to escape Alaska, caring for a sick family member, or any other reason that could possibly make someone live here, maybe it will be a lifeline. Please post here if you are interested. I think people who hate living here need to not be afraid to come out of the shadows and admit it. We are not drinking the Kool-Aid and are outnumbered by the army of losers who actually think this place is fabulous. Let us band together and give each other encouragement. Lord knows I need it just to get through another day in this wretched place, and with winter almost here, it will only get worse.

Anonymous said...

What the hell???!!! Anchorage on New Year's Eve 2014 sounds like we are in the middle of a war zone! Although APD and all local news outlets have advised that personal fireworks are illegal, we have been listening to non-stop explosions all around us IN A RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD for about six hours. Happy freaking New Year you idiots. Where the hell are the cops???

Anonymous said...

alaska is the most alcoholic, suicidal state in the union because it FUCKING SUCKS DONKEY DIX.
I almost feel sorry for the stupid daddy-dick-suckers that have to live in such a frozen shithole.
We should sell this turd of a place back to Russia. Better yet, we should declare war on them for selling us this lemon in the first place alaska SUCKS

gabagool said...

Never thought I would find a website with so many dripping, nauseating liberal pussies in my life......... Squeeze em out, faggots

Anonymous said...

Try posting a negative comment about Alaska on the "shitty data" forums, and the myopic realtors and users who have nothing to do but post ten thousand times a day will descend with contradictions. Wish there was an entire site dedicated to hating Alaska, because the Lower 48 really does have to be warned! Many, who are simply trying to do research, are eventually brainwashed into believing the out-of-this world lies, come here, and then have a horrible time transitioning.

Taking a memorable vacation here is not the same as committing to full time residency. This is not the state to move to, it is a place to visit and experience, but it is not to live.....unless you are a rugged outdoors person, a complete outlier in all sense of the term, or an anti-social individual without standards. Anyone, and I do mean anyone, who has ever lived in a metropolitan area for any stretch of time will never "get used" to Alaska's way of life, and will never see Anchorage as a true city, unless they are unable to make it anywhere else in the world. That is why I especially do not trust New Yorkers who move here for "job opportunities" unless it is in specific fields. They really must have been fuckups if they see this state as a step up.

Anchorage, a totally inept joke, has more basic service than anywhere else, so that is where the population gathers. And while half the state lives in Anchorage, the other half, who do not mind being scattered like idiots, hates Anchorage residents for not being "true Alaskans" - yet these widely dispersed populations who love living off the road system also do not mind being subsidized and rescued by not only taxpayers in the state but the entire nation. FUCK OFF. Can't wait to get out of here, but I'm tethered for a couple of years.

Anonymous said...

Sigh. How sad and pathetic that some sterling example of Alaska's horrendously inadequate public education system refers to articulate commenters as liberal "pussies". Speaking of "squeezing", he can barely squeeze out a couple of semi-literate sentences from his inbred undereducated Alaskan brain, but after a couple six-packs of overpriced beer (because EVERYTHING is overpriced in Alaska), maybe you can feel better about your pointless Alaskan existence by beating your wife, since Alaska leads the country in domestic violence and rape. Oh hey yeah, speaking of "liberals", isn't the stereotype of liberals that they LOVE welfare? Well, asshole, next time you get your annual welfare check from the state of Alaska, ask yourself how you are NOT on Welfare. Because guess what: every freaking man, woman and child who receives a "Permanent Dividend Fund" check is on welfare. Did you work directly for that check? Is the state just giving you money? Yes? Then you are on WELFARE, pussy. Enjoy your welfare check. Now go get in your oversized pickup truck (overcompensating for your little you know what), go home and beat some poor woman unfortunate enough to be stuck with your loser ass.

Anonymous said...

I too was under the impression that fireworks are illegal within city limits of Anchorage. The local news just talked about this last week. Well here it is, New Year's Eve, and I literally feel like this is what London must have sounded like during The Blitzkrieg. My animals are cowering in fear, explosions are going off from all directions for the past two hours, and we live well within the city limits. I know the inbred love their fireworks but this is ridiculous. Feel like we may need to find an air raid shelter to hide out in before our house blows up from a rocket launched incendiary device in the hands of one of our imbicile neighbors.

Anonymous said...

This about sums it up: https://www.adn.com/alaska-news/mat-su/2017/05/03/missing-17-foot-snake-in-meadow-lakes-still-at-large/

I want to give myself a lobotomy so I can stand to continue living in this God-forsaken state. It's not so much even the article, which is bad enough, but the comments after the article.

Anonymous said...

https://www.reddit.com/r/anchorage/comments/3ej9dh/noise_ordinance_people_very_loud_at_night/

What a rude welcome to Alaska from the trashy commenters in this post. "Buy some $1 earplugs" and other stupid comments are so fabulously helpful for someone trying to deal with loud asshole neighbors making noise at midnight on weekdays. The last commenter exemplifies the ignorant, F U, "it's all about me", low-class, rude, hyper-defensive idiots that are like a cancer to "neighborly" relationships. Stay in your bubble, asshole Alaskans. It's all about you. You are the center of the universe and the only ones that matter. Good for you
Your little brats keep the neighborhood awake but hey, they got to bounce on their trampoline! F-ing awesome!!! One day they will grow up, marry some other uneducated Alaskan idiot, gain 50 lbs, and spawn MORE ignorant, rude, inconsiderate neighbors. Best advice I can give the original poster in this link is RUN. MOVE out of Anchorage. People are very rude here.

Anonymous said...

Wow! I'm not alone. What a relief.
I own my own business framing houses and I'm lucky to get 1-2 houses a year up here. These clicky little dick sucking Yankee ass bitches has monopolized the housing market and doesn't allow any outsider to come up here and become successful. I hate the people here. The land and country is beautiful the people are ugly as hell and don't deserve this place. Spoiled ass flat bill hat wearing,whole can of Copenhagen chewing,rubber boot wearing,berry pickin Sons of bitches can all fuck off. These mother fuckers never even earned their stripes. Straight out of high school don't know how to read a tape measure already owning a million dollar construction company daddy's little dick suckers I hate these mother Fuckers look at h5 construction what a fucking dip shit